Most are familiar with the quite famous (and some would argue, including I, equally dubious) statistic regarding the importance of non-verbal factors in the process of interpersonal communication. You’ve probably heard something like the following: “only 20% of the meaning we convey is provided by the actual words we use”.
Ignoring the quantitative merit of this statement, it’s safe for us to agree that in most communicative interactions we participate in, a large percentage (possibly the majority) of what we convey is not in “what” we say, but “how” we say it. The “how” includes things like the speed, pitch, clarity and volume of our voice, as well as our bodily posture, facial expression and the way in which our hands, legs and arms are positioned while we speak. ‘How to Read a Person Like a Book’ by Gerald Nierenberg and Henry Calero attempts to provide a framework within which we can understand and utilise this non-verbal part of our communication.
The book is a short read at 170-odd pages – even more so when you consider how liberally diagrams are scattered throughout. This makes the book very accessible for those not wishing to commit to a longer read, although the brevity of the book may leave some readers wanting a deeper look at the concept of non-verbal communication (like me).
In the book the authors reduce non-verbal communication into units of “gestures”. A gesture can be a physical movement, such as the movement of a hand to the face in order to scratch the nose. A gesture can also refer to the physical configuration of the body or a limb, such as having one’s legs crossed. Finally a gesture may be the way a person interacts with another physical object, such as a ball-point pen.
The primary concept of the book is gesture “congruence”. This refers to the alignment of a person’s previously known behaviours and gestures, the gestures being currently exhibited and the underlying thought or feeling the person is expressing (or suppressing). For example, the authors state that the gesture of bringing the hand to the mouth and obstructing one’s mouth with one’s fingers can be congruous with deceitful intent. However, if we knew the person and had recognised this gesture being displayed at a time when we knew the person was telling the truth, we could assume this was a nervous habit and unrelated to the truthfulness of the statement being made.
The book does show its age in some statements, as well as in the general attitudes and values that seep into the text from the two authors. Although nothing blatantly ignorant or offensive is expressed, the author’s portrayal of women is definitely in-line with conservative attitudes of the earl-to-mid 1970’s. Some of the gestures may seem slightly dated as well, particularly those concerned with smoking cigarettes, cigars and pipes.
Some of the conclusions drawn by the authors are less than convincing, although (to the authors’ credit) these are usually side-notes and unrelated to the main topic of the book. An example; after stating that cigarette smokers are typically ‘concrete-thinkers’ rather than their ‘abstract-thinking’, pipe-smoking counterparts, they declare (without considering the likely ratio of those who smoke cigarettes to those who smoke pipes is likely skewed toward the former):
“The ratio of cigarette smokers to pipe smokers …(participating in the research)… is 10-1, which is not unusual considering that an overwhelming number of businessmen tend to be of the concrete rather than abstract variety of thinker”.
Apart from minor slip-ups such as this, the book presents a good introduction to the topic of non-verbal communication. I found the illustrations particularly descriptive, especially when opposing gestures (such as gestures of confidence and those of nervousness) were pictorially contrasted with one-another.
Personally, I agree with those readers who note that the book (by the nature of its length) frequently over-simplifies matters. Gestures are briefly introduced with an explanation of what the gesture typically signifies, but no further analysis is provided. It would’ve been beneficial for the authors to provide a more in-depth and formally defined framework for assessing competing gestures.
Despite the minor failings of the book, I’d definitely recommend it to anyone interested in how we communicate what we feel and think without speaking a word. I honestly believe this is a very important topic and far-reaching implications and benefits if properly understood and utilised.
